Chris Post 6: Chris and Don’s short blog session.

“Where did you dry these clothes, a rainforest?”

"Um…yes.."

Okumo national park, my first rainforest experience….and, like all first times, I didn’t exactly know what I was doing. Now I’ll boast and tell you I was incredible at being in the forest, but it’s a lie. I failed…. Don says he got it right first time…but that’s a lie too.

Let us fill you in on a few things we have learned about frequenting rainforests. Lets call it Chris and Don’s crash course in forest living.

1. Firstly, rainforests are wet….all the time. Not just sometimes, or the times between wet periods, no, they are wet all the time, especially in the mornings , right about the time, just before you get up. In fact the humidity is close to the roadblock corruption levels, 90-100percent. Now, it is also hot… so let us do some math.

Hot + Wet= humid , but it is already humid, so when we divide ones body area by the amount of sweat produced we get wet. But, we are already wet, so we end up with is 2 wets and 1 hot. The logic is infallible because we used math. So we have learned that drought is not an issue in ones tent. Drying things though, like ones body (hypothetically speaking of course) is an issue. The result is what can only be described as sour milk. The odour that percolates all of ones clothes and tent, despite numerous washings and drying sessions ( please not drying sessions, not drying itself) is something akin to that smell that emanates from that chocolate milk bottle that slipped under the car seat all those months ago. (p.s Writing 'chocolate milk' just made Don very excited, he thinks it sounds delicious right now)

2. Birds… impossible to see. They don’t exist, however many many high quality microscopic speakers do and they play bird like sounds all the time.

3. Unfortunately, not really as funny, that there isn’t much wildlife left rainforests. They’re hunted out, completely. Anything that moves is killed and eaten, snakes, pangolins, monkeys, Water chevrotain, anything. Kill it, eat it, because your children are hungry.

4. Falling leaves and birding do not mix, there are a lot of falling leaves in the dry season in a rainforest. Please note the trick word here, dry season does not mean dry, just less wet. Like Liborace vs. Ru Paul.

5. Wearing a vest in the forest seems like a good idea, it isn’t, neither are shorts….insects love the exposed skin..love it.

6. Rashes, not cool man, not cool.

The end